Oh NO, it’s Global COOLING!! The sun has gone to bed;
We have to change our way of life,
that’s what the experts said.
The Government is hurrying to issue new advice –
Unless we act immediately our planet will be iced!
Already they have advertised, for anyone who can go
To highly-paid consultancies in Global Cooling Quangos;
They’ll seek advice from India, and Russia and from China
On emitting much more carbon before the frost arrives here.
The seas will shrink dramatically, the ice-caps grow in size,
The Thames will be an ice-rink and the birds and bees will die;
The Mastedon will reappear, the Woolly Mammoth too
And a lonely dog and hedgehog will be living in a zoo.
Al Gore has made another film to highlight his concerns
He shows how to contribute with waste paper we can burn;
His graphic warnings stunned us all and brought a guilty tear
As we saw the zebra shivering alone in Tanzania.
The Energy Authorities have told us to use coal
And power stations burning peat will have to be the rule,
It now will be compulsory to install a wood-fired stove
And prove your use of coal and gas everytime you move.
The children at our local school have visited the Tip
To see how NOT recycling can help to do their bit
The bins are emptied daily, and the penalties are dire
If we don’t produce the wherewithall to fuel landfill fires
Hefty taxes must be paid by any in this nation
Who double-glaze their windows or install loft insulation;
Older Petrol-driven cars and motorbikes and scooters
Will get some help towards their tax for being high polluters.
Companies that want to help will garner massive grants
To dismantle solar panels, and all wind farms in the land.
They’ll turn them into aerosols (all funded by taxpayers)
To generate new CFCs to thin the ozone layers.
We’ll leave the TV switched on; drive further to commute;
We’ll invest in dirty industries that promise to pollute;
We’ll cut down lots of forests; we’ll even dress in nylon,
If we can stop the changes in the climate we rely on.
So join a Global Cooling Team, before it is too late,
Create a lot of hot air, and save us from our fate.
Even if your skills are nil, despite your limitations
The rhetoric you generate will rescue several nations.
(With thanks and credit to LittleJohn in the Daily Mail)